The Beloved Auto-correct Feature

You have been there. You have your Smart phone and you send a text to someone important: boss, mom, ex etc. and your phone does the one thing you DON’T want it to do.  AUTO-CORRECT!  You know you swiped or tapped out the correct word but low and behold your “phone” thinks you are wrong and substitutes a random word for you.  Yep, it happens to all of us.  In fact there are websites dedicated to our phones more intelligent behavior.  One such website is called Damnyouautocorrect.  Kinda says it all huh? Smart phone my ass.

I personally experience this more often than I would care to admit.  A few of my favorites are:

  1. LOL – Loo
  2. Money – Monkey
  3. Bartender – Masturbate

Time to Break it Down

LOL = Loo. Ok, laughing out loud can certainly cause a need for a bathroom in most women over the age of 30, especially if you have had kids.  So, I get it.  The phone is confused and thinks you are searching for a loo, the English word for bathroom.  The phone is actually trying to be helpful. But the phone is not smart enough to change the talk to text from Laugh-out-Loud to the acronym LOL.  Let the phone stick to directions.monkey

Money = Monkey.  It’s only one letter the phone adds but I have great example for this one.  Who wouldn’t rather be paid in Monkeys?  I mean come on.  All those hairy little guys swinging, climbing and pooping all over your house?  My question is what is a monkey worth?  How do you even find the quantity you would need for a payment?  What is the going barter system to make payment in Monkey form?  I need these questions answered.  It’s killing me not knowing this information.  I must now search google for all of this.

Bartender = Masturbate.  I have nothing.  I promise I text the word bartender very seldom and I never text the word masturbate.  Especially to my boss.  I mean yes, I have a life on the weekend but good grief no one needs to share that much information.  Evidently my phone though thinks when I try to tell everyone I am waiting on the bartender to make my cocktail that it can overshare and tell everyone I am waiting on the masturbate to make my cocktail.  Shoot me now.

In my opinion this is not a very smart phone.  In fact I will start calling it a smartphone when it can announce where in the house I have lost it. “Hey, geekymom, you left me in your bedside table drawer.  You are holding the wrong thing to your ear right now” or maybe when it can cook me breakfast.  Either one of those.


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